thirty-two.

Thirty was amazing - I know that a lot of women dread the big 3-0, but I embraced it and celebrated it. Thirty was fulfilling: I started a job that I love, doing what I'm passionate about. My kids grew and became interesting little people, with awesome, little personalities. We began to see change in the education system that looked promising and changes taking place in the country that were heartening.

Thirty-one was hard. That awesome new job presented awesome new responsibilities and some of the hardest situations I've ever dealt with. My kids tested their limits and bounds, and the education that we were working so hard to invest in was not up-to-par. I hate to hear my son and daughter plan and plot to get our of school My dad got sick with shingles and then both of parents were out-of-work -- my mom because of the massive (and disgusting) budget cuts in the School District of Philadelphia. I was far away - and believe me, it's hard to be away from your family when things are not going so great. 

Thirty-two is going to be great.

I can feel it in my bones. I can look back on thirty-one and see how all of the "bad" stuff is just leading up to a lot of good stuff. My job - both of them - despite the hard stuff, is fulfilling and we are beginning to see the fruits of our labor not only in our students, but in their families as well. We have a (tentative) plan to enhance our own kids' education. My parents are back to work (thank God!). And, our family is growing, as we'll welcome a new baby soon enough.

More than anything, I think, I am going into thirty-two knowing that I am not alone. That despite everything - I am blessed with good and faithful friends and a family who love me. It's going to be a great year!

Let's celebrate!

daily positive: fresh fruit, dirt cheap

I've been trying for the past few weeks to my energies on all things good. It's hard, especially since it's been a rough few weeks. My goal, every day, is to find one thing that makes living in the DR nice. Honestly? This winter, I would just turn on the news or open my Facebook feed to see how much snow was getting dumped on the Northeastern United States each day. Kind of mean to those who live there, but it definitely made island life desirable.

I do miss spring, though - the budding of the trees and flowers, cool weather. Mostly, I miss the gradual transition from cold to hot. Here we just have hot to hotter.

But! Spring in the DR brings fresh fruit in our backyard: guavas, cherries and (most importantly) a mango tree that has produced hundreds of mangoes this year --- and they're the good kind, not too stringy or worm infested.

Our backyard has cherries, limes, sour oranges, guava, canesten fruit, nisperos (loquat fruit), mangoes, avocadoes and coconuts. Amalio has tried to grow some papaya, and I'm happy to say that so far, that hasn't worked out (I hate papaya - especially the smell of the tree). He's also currently trying to grow granadillo - which is either a type of passion fruit (but I don't think so because we call that chinola here), or a kind of pomegranate.

Last week I needed to overload on some fruits due to a little bacterial infection - the doctor recommended the typical cranberries - which were nearly six dollars a pound in the super market since they're imported. He also recommended pineapple, coconut water and drinking baking soda (yuck!). I gave my brother-in-law one hundred pesos (about $2.50USD) - he came home with two 16-ounce bottles of fresh coco-water (because he was too lazy to get a coconut from the tree) and four nice sized pineapples.

Yum yum!

Futuro Lleno de Esperanza 2014-2015 Wish/Needs List

I've spent the past few weeks weeding through our supply closet/library at school, throwing away trash (broken toys, ripped papers, dried out clay, etc...), rearranging shelves and furniture and making lists of things we need.

Luckily, there's not many things that we need. Our needs have been met - and generously. We have a number of things - you know, that kids use and wear out - that we will always need replenished, but we finally have most of the basics: desks, chairs, chalk boards, book shelves, etc...

In the past, a lot of my blog readers have collaborated to get us what we want and what we need so that we can offer a quality education to our students. That's why I'm posting our wish-list here, as well as on our Facebook page.


Needs:
expendables:
Crayons          Rulers
Pencils            Felt
Markers         Kid Scissors
Erasers           Yarn
Teacher Scissors
Dry Erase Markers
Foam Paper
Pencil Sharpeners
Glue Sticks (not white glue)
Borders, Name Tags, Index Cards
Board Games - non-language related (or in Spanish): UNO cards, Sorry, Parchesi, Jenga, Connect4, etc...
Spanish Story Books
2 Dry Erase Boards
Bathroom Scale
Plastic Shelving/Crates/Cubes
Used Cell Phone (unblock-able) for the office
Math Games and Materials (like Unit-10 blocks, number lines, tangram blocks, etc...)
Children's acetemetophen (no Advil or aspirin due to mosquito-borne illnesses) and Pepto-Bismol
Hand sanitizer
Plastic Cups (about 60) and 3 solid plastic pitchers (for drinking water)


Wants:
Craft Supplies - google eyes, pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks, glitter, etc...
Cut-out (Dye-Cut letters)
Puzzles (wooden and  pieces jigsaws)
Classroom decorations
Reward Stickers
Lacing toys (weaving, big beads, cards)
Staplers and Staples
Puppets (finger/stick/full size)
Dress up clothes
Plastic Storage containers (small and large)
Kid-friendly science stuff (magnifying glasses, microscope, eye droppers, animal toys, magnets, mirrors, etc..)

We have a list on Amazon.com - which is just an idea of what things look like, please, if you can find it cheaper somewhere else (like a consignment/thrift shop), even better. I've hyper-linked most of the stuff on the list to the dollar tree store or oriental trading, since that's where I usually buy stuff (it's bulk and cheaper), but again, feel free to be creative.

Of course, we need to transport stuff from the USA to the DR, so if you're willing to help to pay for shipping, we'd love that. We can also buy many things in the DR - like dry-erase boards - that would be difficult to ship.

Please, please let me know if you would like to help Futuro Lleno de Esperanza continue to offer quality education for our students through our wish-list at futurollenodeesperanza (@) gmail (dot) com or melanie512 (@) gmail (dot) com. Soon, we'll be launching some fund-raising programs to support the school financially - keep a look out on our Facebook page for that!

------------disclaimer: while Fundacion Futuro Lleno de Esperanza is a legal and recognized non-for-profit, non-governmental organization in the Dominican Republic (RNC: 430124062), we do not have 501c3 status in the USA, and therefore are unable to issue tax-receipts for donations. I can assure you, though, that all donations go toward the betterment of our schools and communities.

and we lost one.

Not too long ago, i posted on my facebook that i'm sick of people making assumptions about our kids and their families. Being monetarily or materially poor does not mean that our kids are not loved. Lacking fancy houses or nice cars does not mean we are in a slum.

And just because our kids are poor, does not mean that they are not loved.

I would venture to say that all of our kids are loved. Deeply and fiercely loved.
Do their parents do it right all of the time? Nope.

But neither do I.
I am mean to my kids after a long day of work, and often would prefer to watch tv or read a book or have a drink with friends than hang out with them. I yell. I get frustrated.
It doesn't negate my love for them.

And being poor does not make parents love their kids any less.

But, our students come with a lot of mess.
They live in a neighborhood filled with violence and drugs and unemployment and more. They have parents who work long hours to provide for them. They have a whole set of low expectations thrust upon them from the day they enter school.

They have a lot on their little plates, and it reflects at school. It reflects in how they interact with their peers, their teachers and with their families.

All of that being said, part of our job is to love these kids, too. To provide stability in a world full of mess. And it's really  hard.

Really hard.

I think that we try to fight for all of them in the beginning. Some of them just pull our heart strings a little bit more than others, and some probably the ones who most need us to fight for them - drive us so crazy that it's hard to keep at it.

We hadn't lost any. We've had kids move from the city, get enrollment in the public school, parents remarry. We've had parents decide that we just weren't offering what they need.

But we hadn't really lost any that needed us to fight for them.

Until two weeks ago.
We've been fighting and fighting for this precious girl. She disappeared right before Holy Week. The other kids told me that she was moving. I tried to find the family, but they were already gone. We prayed. I cried. We could not lose this child.

There is family abuse - intense, serious, physical abuse. There is poverty. There are no parents, just a grandmother who doesn't really want to be the responsible party. There is a lovely little girl dealing with so much more than any six year old should ever have to deal with.

Her grandmother came to see me a few days ago. She told me, matter of factly, that they moved into a new neighborhood and she is just too old to walk the child to school everyday, so she will no longer be attending. She will not find enrollment anywhere else because the school year is just about over, but the poor girl will also automatically fail first grade. She is also being removed from the afterschool program she was in. Taken away from everything she knows and finds comfort in.

It's something that I knew would happen eventually - that we would lose. That we can't save all of the kids who enter our doors. It's been a weird season for me. Sad, but not quite. Disappointed, maybe?

Please keep this little princess in your prayers and thoughts. I don't know what the future holds for her, but I hope that her short time with us taught her that she is loved and valued.

maternal health on international midwives' day

six - almost seven - years ago, i had my first child. i had no idea what to expect. i was living in a foreign land with few female (like-minded) friends. i was determined to not have a c-section, and breast feed: two things that were unheard of here.

after being sent home by a condescending OB numerous times who told me things like "if that little pain is bothering you, how are you going to give birth?" and "now you're just being a baby," we marched up to the hospital administrator office who sent us to another OB. i was deemed incapable of dilating, and had the un-wanted c-section -- luckily, because it wasn't pretty.

i was, however, able to breastfeed -- i didn't have a ton of societal support, though. my husband was 110% on board, as were my in-laws (and my family, too, but they weren't close by). but, for most everyone else i was either silly or an amazing novelty. i became the poster-child for "american mothering," even though we were just trying to get on with our lives. there were also the snarky side-eyes and unsolicited commentary, but mostly, "oh my god, you make your own baby food! in american EVERYONE does that!"

my birth with amely was different in that i was resigned to the mandatory c-section (no vbacs allowed). at about seven days, amely was put in the clinic for 4 days to deal with jaundice. there was no explanation, no reasoning other than "sometimes this happens." we fought with the nurses and staff over the breastmilk and formula. in the end it wasn't terrible, but now, as a more educated mother i know that amely's jaundice was caused by breastmilk and when she "failed to thrive" for three more months - that probably had to do with not enough nutrients as well.

i didn't have any severe complications that "only happen in developing nations" - we had situations that women are dealing with all over the world. rising numbers of c-sections - often unnecessary - are taking over vaginal births and formula-feeding has long trumped the breast. and you know? i don't mind that we women want c-sections and that they are choosing bottles over breast. i don't.

as long as we are not scared to give birth because a catty doctor - who had never had a child, let alone birthed one from her vagina - told her she was being childish or that she wasn't strong enough. and that she couldn't handle the pain.
as long as we are not just being cut as a convenience for the medical staff.
as long as we are not led to believe that our bodies are not capable of feeding and nourishing a child.

a few years ago, i was pretty sure i was done having babies but i was sure that i didn't want any other women to deal with being told that they weren't enough. that their bodies - which have birthed and nourished since the beginning of time - were somehow now not enough. not strong enough, not perfect enough, not productive enough.

and when i started the journey that led to pre-natal education and lactation support, i've met numerous other women - some in real life and some on the internet - who believe that we are enough. that not only are we enough, but we women have more than enough to birth and nourish. and we need to spread the word.

today, on international midwives' day, i choose not to focus on the negative statistics but on the wonderful women and men who are changing the face of birth across the globe. not just midwives, but doulas, childbirth educators, lactation consultants and counselors and advocates.

thank you. the world is a more beautiful place because you are in it.

on biting my tongue.

it's been almost ten years on the island - and to be sincere, some days are much better than others. i still struggle with cultural snafus and even lingual misunderstandings. people ask if i like it here, what i like best and what i like least... and what i like better than my own country. it's bizarre to me. i've been here so long - i wouldn't be here if i didn't like it. and frankly, nit-picking all of the things that i like and dislike just make me realize how many things drive me crazy.

so, i try not to do that.

except. like i said. some days are easier than others. and bad days often come in clumps.
i posted on facebook today that sometimes i bite my tongue so hard that i'm surprised i have a tongue left.

it's true.

last week was holy week - a full week of vacation for our kids, but not for us parents. we had sent samil to his grandfather's house solo before - the kid loves to help take care of the cows and pigs and chickens. we had never sent amely. amely doesn't sleep well at night; it's hit or miss with her. and grandpa's house is nearly four hours away and we had to work.

what was the worst that could happen?
she got stung by a wasp on her toe. it had the potential to turn into the wasp emergency of the world until amalio turned his phone off. how many times can you respond to a question about a wasp sting - and a child who is not allergic to wasps? i told the step-mother-in-law to put some mud on it. or a potato. or some meat tenderizer. hell, she could have used the tried-and-true dominican remedy vick's vapor rub. but somehow none of that was good enough for amely - her toe is red. it's a little swollen. she is crying. she doesn't want to put her shoes on.

there are five grandchildren living in that house. i wonder what happens when they get stung by a wasp.
but instead of being snarky and mean, i just bit my tongue.

amalio and i headed to the campo on thursday morning. i was determined to enjoy a little respite from the city and from work. i took a book. (cry, the beloved country) i left all of my school work and grading work at home.

i love  this campo - my father-in-law's house sits on the side of a lush, green, peaceful mountain overlooking the sea. there is no noise or light pollution - the occasional motorcycle or truck driving up the road, or the clip-clop of a horse passing by. the electricity often goes out at night, and you can see all of the stars in the sky.

but. while i absolutely love the tranquility of this place, it is super hard for me to spend more than a day or two - because i have to deal with a lot of what drives me crazy about living here. there is a huge lack of formal education in this campo - and whole lot of not-understanding why going to school might be important for the future. there is a lack of boundaries concerning what gets talked about in front of whom, and no very little tolerance for children and people who are different.

over the years, i've learned to deal with creencias - beliefs that people hold here, many of which are far different from my own beliefs and many of which are disproven by science over and over again. my brain understands that the way we are raised, and the environment in which we are raised and the people who raise us form us in ways we often can't change - even if we understand it not to be true.

for example. my aunt believes it's bad luck to enter the house and leave the house through different doors. once, when i visited, it was raining (or snowing is more likely) pretty fiercely, and i had to leave through a different door. i felt really bad. it doesn't make sense, but hey, that's how it has always been at her house.

i also believe that putting mud on a bee or wasp sting actually helps. i think that maybe it's more comic relief than anything - but i still do it.

the thing is, i don't try to scare people with my beliefs. and it drives me crazy when people try to scare me into not doing "stupid" things. like, how when i was pregnant and went to the beach, i was told i would miscarry and it would be all my own fault. because you know, swimming in the ocean while pregnant will kill your fetus. or, when we refused to "baptize" our children in a household ceremony, and then didn't even get them prayed over to avoid the mal del ojo - the evil eye.

when we go to the campo - which both fortunately and unfortunately is not frequently enough - i have to close my ears to all conversations for fear of slipping and responding to the commentary of the irresponsibility of the gringa. i thought that i was sufficiently prepared last week - but apparently i was not.

"you know, if you keep reading so much, your eyes are going to cross. that can't be healthy."
"it's not healthy for amely to eat raw red peppers. and did you know that samil eats cucumbers?"
"you can't ask your neighbors for salt - that means you're a witch"

i try to ignore.
but, on thursday night, after letting my kids watch the slaughter of a pig (it's life, they'll get over it... but it wasn't really necessary) - they set up a spit and roasted said pig. i don't really like pig roast meat, but the kids do and amalio loves it. amely decided to help spin the spit for a little while. no big deal, right?

until she decided that she wanted a shower. and someone told her that she would die if she got a shower. because she was hot, and the water was cold. so all of her muscles would freeze and then she would die.

my 4 year old who is not particularly interested in taking a shower. and you just gave her the best excuse ever. "mommy, i can't take a shower today because i'm hot and i will die."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**the icing on this cake was when they pulled out examples of people they knew whose muscles had "frozen" because of this hot/cold clash. the main example? our friend who suffered two bouts of bells palsy while living in the DR and was later diagnosed with MS. because you know, MS is caused by having a hot body and then opening the refrigerator. phew.

has it been this long?

in january, i made a conscious decision not to blog. i was running out of things to write about - and i find that writing about the day-to-day is kind of boring. 

life is not boring - 

but it's hard to find new content sometimes.

so, i took a little break. i didn't expect it to last three months. but, here we are.

life was busy and hectic and jam-packed with stuff for the past three months, and now - within the next two weeks - it will slow down and we'll start to get ready for summer. my semester is just about done, school is just about over for the kids and it is starting to get hot.

i'm looking forward to a slower pace - i've been running around a lot, and i'm hoping that i can get a lot of next year's school planning done and out of the way while i'm on semester break. i'm not sure that that is going to happen, but i can try. 

and i have a lot of help. (thank you!)

i've been snapping pictures again of things i see on the island and will hopefully make some time to share them. it's not infrequent to see something new and fun in these parts. 

for now i leave you with pictures from the last few months.

this was my favorite VBS group of the year so far - they did a karate class, outdoor games and crafts and then  decorated cookies with frosting and M&Ms before doing a coreographed dance concert with the kids.

i love this picture so much. hair is a really big deal in this country. women spend hours (and tons of money) on straightening and processing and blowing out their hair. it is almost unheard of to see this pajon - afro - so proudly displayed. but we've now had two african american missionaries with natural hair, and the girls have noticed. not only do they come to school with their "puffs", they show it off! anyi told me this day, "look, my hair is just like tia jewels!"

 we don't "do" carnaval. while i find it to be an enlightening cultural event - i don't like the violence and craziness that comes with it. men and boys carry around dried pig-bladder balloons and smack women on the butt. it hurts. plus, there are tons of drunk people and not a lot of control. so, we usually go to the local cultural museum for their "kids carnaval" - but this year was by far the most organized and fun for the kids. only kid dancers performed, on a stage, with a ton of activities for the family.

 we celebrated independence day on february 27th with an assembly filled with poems, songs and dances. 

 this amazing group came to visit from lansdale, pa. we met some of their young adult members this past summer and let me tell you, that i have not met young adults like these ladies in a long time. passionate, driven, kind. i loved their families just as much. they did eye checks and acupuncture. you might notice tia jewel in this picture. she came to visit for a long weekend!  

 while jewel was here, we HAD to go to the beach for a day. it started out rainy - but by noon it was gorgeous. and a much needed respite. 

 it's getting hot. so we bought a pool for the yard. i imagine i will be filling this thing up in the summer, and just laying in there while i grade papers or something.

most recently, we've had chicken pox. amely got them first - a fairly light case and this past week samil has had them. he got them worse than amely, but dealt very well with is and is finally excited to go back to school on monday!