blessed.

have you ever had one of those weeks or months where nothing seemed to work out?

welcome to my 2012.

january was difficult to say the least. between some crazy work -demands and a seriously decreased paycheck and a ton of things that just stopped working at home, i've been half out of my mind. i've been cranky and mean and ready to just give up. i don't know, quit my job and move to japan, or something.

last week was the worst. i addressed my work situation and was shot down, amely stopped sleeping and the tv broke. i was trying to finish my citizenship paperwork and waiting for my university paycheck in order to pay for a process that (blessedly) is going much, much faster than i ever imagined.

i might have drank ten gallons of coffee with four pounds of sugar in order to avoid psychosis (or falling asleep during class).

and then baby drake was born and everything was a little clearer. life is precious, and there are people with far more sorrow and need in the world than me. i drank some more coffee and prayed. and let me be honest, i haven't really prayed in a long time.

i went to the hospital to visit some women. i didn't have anything to give except a pound of coffee for the nurses (to share with me, of course). three women had lost babies in the birthing process and were grieving. the nurses told me of a woman who delivered for dead baby on the bathroom floor.  i talked to women who had nothing, not even sheets on their beds or diapers for when they got home.

when i left, i walked in the city and saw children begging for food.

i am blessed.

and when baby drake went back to heaven, i cried and it sunk in just how blessed i really am. my babies are healthy and happy and we've never really had to worry about their health. i have a job (no matter how crazy it is right now) with a good paycheck every month that more than supplies for our needs. i'm an illegal alien, but with all the facility to become legal - and my children have not one, but two nationalities in a world where so many babies have none. the washing machine is broken, but we have clothes enough to cover us and who really needs a tv?

i'm still stressed and probably way too cranky, but with a new understanding. i can't wallow in the little stuff, because life is too short. it's too precious to spend angry or worried about a washing machine. it's time to appreciate the gifts we've been given and live.